A real human being:.

Do you remember that great song from Keane where they say that it's OK to be full of hope as you begin rearranging the pieces of the dreams that you have?. Well, I'd like to believe that I'm going through one of those phases now.

Let me explain. Some weeks ago I met someone with whom I have many things in common, and as you probably know, this is not something that happens often to me, but when it does, it's really interesting!. What I specially like is how we can talk about nothing and all, and still have those aha moments that make you feel that you're connecting with somebody else.

I don't know, but for sometime now I've come to look for stability in my life and people to share it with. Without imposing any particular role or anything, it's always good to meet someone who appreciates the little things, the way you do.

Let's all meet up five years from now and see where we stand, but at least for now, I'm having a pretty good time with you =).

Back against the wall and odds,
with the strength of a will and a cause.

Come and meet me tomorrow:.

After much thought, today I'd like to talk about female/male chauvinism, a very controversial topic in software engineering, and by doing so I know that I'm exposing myself to hate and ill will from radical internet groups, but I don't really care...

I'd like to start by saying that ever since I was little, I noticed that females receive different treatment from society, and I didn't think this treatment was fair at all. For example, as a kid there were times when I found myself troubled by some female children, and while trying to get back at them, I was told by grown-ups that I couldn't fight back, just because my opponents were girls!!. Apparently, they deserved some special treatment just because of their sex, but I didn't really understand. My thinking was: if they can attack, they surely can defend. But other people (both boys and girls) seem to have this differentiated treatments seared by fire. And this is just a little example of the differentiated treatments that you are taught while growing up. It may seem trivial, but the problem is that by accepting these special treatments, you are denying to consider all people as equal...

Of course, this has brought me problems, but I'd like to argue that I just try not to make special considerations for anybody!.

I believe that, at least in my culture, this is due to flaws in the way we are currently raised. For the most part, in our junior years we are taught to expect/receive special treatments, and then we grow up and expect to keep them while continuously asking for more benefits. I've previously discussed some of these things, like they way you're expected to greet somebody, but it's funny that a couple of weeks ago I had a similar conversation (with people from disparate corners of the world) regarding things such as buying things in a market and flirting. We talked about how there are certain protocols that we expect and accept as the natural order of things (usually due to our sex) and it's interesting that you only notice them when you get out of your natural context, for example, when you interact with other cultures.

And I don't pretend to be innocent here. During these conversations I also found myself repeating some male chauvinist ideas that I'm not really proud of. There's definitely much to be done, but by reflecting on these topics, and by trying to change my own behaviour, I like to think that I'm doing my best to help improve this world for those who will come after I leave =):.

I know we've got nothing in common now,
Just our shared love of drinking.

All things go:.

Exactly two years ago I was packing to come live in France, so today it feels like a good time for me to stop for a little while and reflect on all the things that I've had the chance to experience last year in this strange land.

To be honest, I passed through dark times, and I even questioned my purpose in life and whether or not I should continue pursuing my current objectives. Maybe it was because I was close to my 30th anniversary (a key milestone in anyone's life), me getting in contact with altered states of mind, or perhaps just plain depression, but what matters the most is that in the end I decided to continue, both because I like what I do (and the freedom it gives me!), and because of the people I have the chance to meet and work with.

Anyway, just as last year, the most important part of this year was interacting with (and learning from) people from all around the world. And that's huge for me, because many years ago I didn't think that would be possible, but luckily for me, time has proved me wrong!. 

And you know what?,  it's funny that I'm not the only one saying goodbye to an era!. A lot of my favourite TV series decided to say goodbye this year, particularly, Breaking Bad, Futurama, The IT Crowd and The Office. Maybe I should just take this as a sign and start moving forward from the virtual to the real world...well, just maybe, but that will definitely be the topic of another post =):.

It was for freedom,
from myself and from the land.

Si te vas, porque creo que lo harás:.

If there's anything I enjoy, that's the start and end of eras, and in the last couple of weeks I've been fortunate enough to witness a couple of these events. First, Futurama's series finale, and most importantly, my brother's wedding =). 

Funny enough, both events had many things in common, and without spoiling the episode, I'll just say that the future will always be bright for those who find love and companionship in this cruel world...actually, you know what? f**k it!, let's spoil this last episode a little bit: it will probably make you cry, just like previous epic episodes where you were reminded of the absurdity of the past/present/future, leaving you with the only option of enjoying life for as long as you can... 

And to be honest, both events have made me rethink my future in the short and medium terms, but that will be topic of another post...

Si te quedas, 
por encima de tanta letra y pirueta,
es para mejorar!.

Jusqu'à la fin:.

I believe that there are things in our lives that somehow define who we are, and that we cannot stop trying to experience over and over again. And in the last couple of weeks I faced some of these special things for me: software maintenance, a visit to the mythical Hungary and a backpacking experience (with musical background!).

I visited Budapest for the fourth time in my life, and I can happily say that it still offers me new and amazing things to do. This time it was excellent local cuisine, history lessons, forgotten views, and of course, the Sziget music festival. Though the musical level might not have been as good as other renowned european festivals, it was still worth the trip, if only to experience a true festival tradition of beer, music and non-sleeping for over a week!. To be honest, the non-sleeping part was not so much because of non-stop partying, but because I'm probably leaving that part of my life behind... 

Anyway, the festival was also special because I had the chance to meet again and old friend from Mexico. We shared both good and not-so-good experiences (oh, my feet!), but actually that's what these trips are for: to have some tales to share when you meet again and get a laugh or two at them =).

The musical background was so good this time because it spanned through different key moments in my life, and somehow allowed me to connect with others around me. I'm talking about listening to Blur, and having a flashback to 1998 when I used to listen over and over a live version of Country House in one of my brother's old cassettes. Then another flashback to 2000's new year's eve when I listened to The Universal (in one of my brother's CDs) while waiting for my parents to come back from their shopping. Or the time I tried to decipher Girls and Boys, or when I felt Tender was such a good song that it deserved to be played continuously!. 

Anyway, though I liked Blur while growing up, they weren't my favourite band, that would be Oasis. But what I've felt with the passing of time is that Oasis' songs may not have aged as well as I'd have hoped. Maybe I'm saying nonsense, and when I hear them live again I'll go crazy, but I'm ranting about all this because before Blur played in the festival I had the chance to talk with the people around me (some guys from Denmark and another one from England) and they had the same thoughts as me!, with similar flashbacks!, and with very similar Britpop tastes, one of them even say that it was like listening to his childhood all over again. Meeting people so similar to you is always interesting =).

And finally, I'm really thankful to the software maintenance community because they found interesting some of my current work, and I'll have the chance to discuss it with them next month, while visiting another mythical place =).

And it looks like we might have made it, 
yes, it looks like we've made it to the end.

Don't stop believing:.

I can only hope that our generation sees a series finale as good as The Sopranos:.
In other words, Breaking Bad - Mad Men - Game of Thrones - Homeland, please, don't let me down!!:.


Some will win, some will lose,
some were born to sing the blues.

I want to dream:.

Sometimes I wake up at night wondering, what the f**k am I doing here?. I know that my future is not in the academia, so why do I keep pursuing a PhD?. And honestly, I usually have a hard time convincing myself to finish what I started.

And I'm not the only one asking this question. Through my academic experience I've seen people asking themselves this same question, at the beginning, middle and late parts of their PhDs. Usually people decide to continue, just to make worth the time they already spent working towards this objective, though they're convinced that their results will not improve science at all, or if they do, it will be in a minuscular (insignificant) scale. In brief, they just want the (Dr.) title, and I've never been someone looking for titles....

In my case, most of my publications are due to tools I've built to prove points that I think the research community might find interesting, but when they don't, I must start thinking about what I'm doing with my life. Maybe it's time for me to gather up courage and go back to the real software engineering world...

I honestly don't know, but at least today I sent a paper to its final evaluation, hopefully the result will help me decide what I'll be doing with my life next year!!:.

I'm dying. 
Is it blissful? 
It's like a dream.

I won’t come near:.

If there's anything I know is that I've always been, I am, and I'll always be an engineer!. Thus, I know that my mind works by looking for interesting problems and then by trying to solve them. The solutions I come up with might not always be the best or the shiniest, but I'm sure that they can help solve the problem.

And why am I telling this?. Well, for the last years I've been involved in the academic world, and though I usually like it, I must admit that sometimes it's just frustrating!. Let me explain: I usually start by looking for interesting problems, then I look for related work to know what other people have proposed to solve that problem, and then I try to improve on those solutions, naturally, by building a tool that proves my point.

The problem is that it's not that easy to show your humble results to the academic community. Every time you submit a paper describing your results, you must pass the classic test of (at least) three reviewers. You might think that you have interesting results to show, you might even convince a reviewer or two of the importance of your work, but the truth is that most of the times your work will be rejected.

And the worst part is that by reading the proceedings of the conferences where you were rejected, you'll find accepted papers that have the same faults as your humble rejected paper. They may not even make their tools available, so you don't really know if what they're talking about really works or not, but then you look at the authors list (and at the program committee) and you understand why the paper was accepted.

However, I must admit that rejection can be useful sometimes. For example, now I'm preparing a new version of a paper that was previously rejected, and with all the things that we've added so far, I can tell that this time we have a real chance to being accepted...who am I kidding?, the truth is that you never know =)...

Teach me to burn, 
teach me to speak.

Back back way back:.

This week I witnessed the end of an era: the last episode of The Office, one of my favourite TV series of all times!. Just as I feared a couple of years ago the show didn't last long after Michael Scott's departure, but to be honest, it was a good time for the series to come to an end, specially considering that since an excellent third season finale the show entered into a slow decline from which it could never recover. 

Still, we'll always have real gems like that mythical fire safety drill, an epic second season finale, realistic call of duty matches, classic Jim and Dwight pranks, an excellent Emmy's skit, and of course, that emotional goodbye between Michael and Jim, just to mention a few. 

Like it or not, it's time to move on!.

The gloves are off,
the wisdom teeth are out,
what you on about?.

To pull me to my feet again:.

Do you remember that great scene from Waltz with Bashir where a guy transcends himself in the middle of a battle?. Well, it's been a while since I felt like that myself and, to be honest, I don't like it, so in the hope of changing this situation I resorted to a flawless remedy: a nice trip!!.

I went to the Netherlands for a week to celebrate the last Queen's day. Overall, it was a great experience. I really liked the views (water canals everywhere!), the food (amazing Gouda cheese!), the bicycle-friendly environment, the open-minded culture, and all the beautiful girls around the country!. I had started to feel empty, and I needed new experiences to feel renewed for my second half of the PhD, specially if I'm to finish on time, with the final goal of going back to Mexico at the end of next year!.

Though I can't say that I'm completely renewed, I certainly feel a lot better. What I can testify is that maybe my time of traveling in backpacking-style is coming to an end, as well as my classic long walks that end up with torn up socks =). Anyway, if I learned anything on this trip it was that Marihuana and alcohol don't mix, but that's a topic for another post...

But I feel, 
I feel no shame.

To get lucky:.

The best part of my day is when I talk with my parents and my little sister at night, and every week I also try to talk with my brother, my big sister and my grandmother, to complete the cycle =). Truth be told, I've always found it difficult to connect with people outside my family, but every once in a while that changes.

For example, last week I had two excellent experiences with my laboratory colleagues. First, we played a laser game, and I must admit that I loved it!!. All my CoD experience finally paid off, and I was just acting like a natural born killer. Like I always say, that rush of aiming, shooting, and running in a classical WW2 environment is just amazing =):.

The second event was last weekend, when we had a night of food, wine and dance to celebrate that Spring has finally come to Grenoble!!. I really enjoyed our time together, even the dance, which I'm not usually fond of =). And maybe the best part is that all this helps me distract from my current dilemma about the futility of life:. 

Like the legend of the phoenix,
our ends were beginnings.

Calaveras y diablitos:.

Siempre es agradable encontrarse con una mirada fresca a las cosas que nos gustan y precisamente estas últimas semanas me pasó eso con el mundo de los zombies. 

Para todos aquellos a los que ese ambiente típicamente gringo ya nos tiene un poco cansados, In the Flesh (Inglaterra) y Les Revenants (Francia) son realmente una excelente opción. Escenarios increíbles, sobre todo la segunda que me recuerda un poco a la ciudad donde vivo ahora, junto con actuaciones e historias interesantes que no se enfocan en la necesidad de comer cerebros, sino en qué pasa después. Un poco como recordar los buenos tiempos de The Walking Dead y para hacernos olvidar lo que tanto esperábamos de películas como REC3 o Survival of the Dead.

No lo sé, al final es como dice la canción, calaveras y diablitos invaden mi corazón, pero la vida es para gozarla, la vida es para vivirla mejor =):.

Universos de tierra y agua,
me alejan de vos.

I won't forget:.

To be honest, this last week was a rough one. I kept thinking about the futility of life, about how no matter how hard you try, or what you do, you're still going to die and lose memory of everything and everyone that you've ever met and care about...

So, what's next?. Well, enjoy life and make it pleasant for those that you care the most. In brief, I've decided that no matter what, next year I'll permanently go back home to spend quality time with my family and close friends (and who knows?, maybe even with that elusive special someone!). Maybe it's time for me to settle down, and what better way to do it than with those who really know who I am...

Maybe someday,
you'll be somewhere talking to me,
as if you knew me.

And all that I believe:.

About a year ago I was planning a very good trip across Europe with one of my sisters. Today I'm planning a new trip across The Netherlands, wondering whether I should give Sclerotia and Marihuana a try, or if I should just visit the countryside. I know I could've just easily tried these products locally (both in Mexico and in France), but as with many things in life, the important factor here is quality (and one might even say legality, but that's a topic for another post).

About a year ago, I could still talk about this with my grandfather. Today, I just wake up shivering in the middle of the night.


I won't deny the pain, 
I won't deny the change .

I feel my skin:.

Besides programming, music is one of the things I like the most!. Lucky for me, I've always lived in places where people with musical tastes similar to mine, program little concerts. Back in Texcoco it was Finca La Colorada, in Mexico city it was El Plaza Condesa, Lunario and Polyforum Siqueiros; in Barcelona it was Cafè de les delícies, and now in Grenoble, La Bobine!. Truth be told, I've not always had money to attend the concerts, in fact, I specially regret not seeing Broken Social Scene back in 2010, in Mexico city, but given the chance, I always try to go to these places to try and enjoy promising bands.

Anyway, yesterday I saw a particularly interesting band, Nue sur le Bitume, that reminded me of why I go to these concerts. They give me the chance to listen to pure music, no commercial attachments, no weird baggage, only music essence!!. It might not always pay off, but you always have the chance to see the next Hello Seahorse!, Facto Delafé, Bombay Bicycle Club, or even, the next Phoenix. Just like in Mad Men, when they have the chance to see Bob Dylan or The Rolling Stones at the beginning of their career!.

I'm not necessarily saying that these new bands are in that league, but at least I have the opportunity to recognise them while they're still true to themselves =):.

They say,
that I'm not for you.

Now you know who you are again:.

About a month ago I was talking with my family about how different our lives would be if we had taken different decisions at key points in our lives. There was no consensus, but one of the main ideas was that it's not always easy to identify these key points in your life. That is, you can only identify these moments long after you've experienced them, so in the end there's no need to worry about them, you just have to enjoy life in the best way you can =):.

Anyway, during these conversations I put myself as an example. Back in 2004 I was enrolled in a University that highly encouraged to study abroad during your career, and so, in the verge of my last year at school I tried to enroll in a 6-month program in a canadian university. However, due to some last-minute administrative problems I couldn't complete the process.

I remember being quite annoyed at the time, because I thought that it would be my last opportunity to study abroad during my bachelor degree. But just a few weeks later, my University published a new opportunity to spend the summer in Budapest, working in artificial intelligence (AI) and web application development. To be honest, I didn't know much about Budapest or AI, but I did recognise that this would be my last opportunity to study outside Mexico for a long time, and I signed up as quickly as I could!. This experience opened my eyes (both in a professional and in a personal way), and I remember saying that I would do everything I could to go back to Europe in the future.

I finished my bachelor degree and went to work at a good company in Mexico city. But then the time came where I felt I needed more challenges and started looking for new opportunities. I saw this particularly interesting job offer in the school system, to work in Spain, and applied right away, though I knew it would be really difficult for me to get the job. Surprisingly, the company contacted me for an interview.

The interesting part is that I refused to go to the interview!. I called them back and told them that I wasn't sure if I was ready to leave my job and that I didn't want them to waste their time. The Human Resources person could have just said that it was OK, but she insisted so strongly that in the end I accepted to go to the interview (Actually, it was her pledge, and me remembering my stay in Budapest the last year). In the end I got the job, and went to Spain for a couple of years.

I don't know, at that time I had a relationship that could've turned into something really serious, so it makes me wonder what kind of life would I be living if I had stayed in Mexico 6-7 years ago. The truth is that it doesn't really matter now. Due to my spanish experience I decided that I eventually wanted to go back to Europe (again!), which I did back just a few years later.

What would have happened if had studied in Canada in 2004?. What if Sherinny hadn't being with me during the summer of 2005?. What if I had turned down the spanish job in 2006?. What if I hadn't accepted the opportunity to study in France in 2011?. And even more, what if my grand father had never come to Mexico City?. What if my father had never worked in Texcoco?. 

I guess we'll never know. Anyway, this summer I'm going back to Budapest for the Sziget music festival =):.

You're going to tell me that I'm right,
you're going to come back down,
and find yourself,
where you are again.

The winter sets in:.

No matter how much I write about you, I'll always fall short. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart!


This is all of it,
this is everything.