I love your wall:.

In about a week I'll be back home =):.

I was going to write this big essay about how in the last weeks I found my motivation to finish my thesis by the end of this year, so I can come back to France in a few months to defend it and give the world my two cents about scalable data stores...but then I realised that the world probably doesn't even care anyway =):.

Then I thought about writing about what I'm going to do once I'm back in my natural environment, and how I'm not going to sell to big companies, and instead, stay true to real software engineering and entrepreneurship...but then again, the future is not clear, and I might end up compromising a little bit.

Finally, I accepted that none of that is really important, the key thing is that I'll be back home, finally surrounded by those who truly matter =):.

Fiddly-digits, itchy-britches, 
I love you all...

I don't mind:.

Yesterday I decided to share a post that generated controversy and also many support comments, and I think it's only fair to make some remarks about what I said last night.

First of all, I can't but respect all those who truly maintain that search for knowledge and fulfilment in the academic world...but to be honest, I couldn't find many like you in my five years journey, and if I had, maybe I would be writing something else.

Anyway, if it wasn't for these influences, I could've just simply settled for a job 10 years ago, didn't raise any questions, and just kept going on a dull job to earn good money, but I'm not like that. If there's anything I've learned from these masters, is that you have to keep challenging yourself to achieve better results, even if that means starting from zero from time to time...

I know it's not an easy thing to do, and I would even challenge anyone who reads this blog to consider if they'd be willing to do that themselves today. I'm afraid I already know the answer...

Why should I be frightened (of dying)?, 
there's no reason for it, 
you've gotta go sometime.

I wish you would see what I see:.

About five years ago I decided to start all over again because I didn't like the way my life was going, and five years later I seem to face a similar challenge. Let me explain...

I went back to the academic world because the software industry didn't seem to have the right answers for what software development should be (from my perspective) and I thought I could contribute more from the theoretical point of view than from the trenches...

Five years later, I can assure you that the researchers/academics are as lost as the practitioners...

Sure, I've contributed some ideas that might seem interesting for some folks, I've given academic workshop/conference/summer school talks, but all in all, I can tell you that academics are orders of magnitude behind the real software engineering practice...

I've seen colleagues graduate just to have their PhD degrees, others just to call themselves doctors and sell to big companies, and worst, others just accept their destiny and start teaching basic programming courses...

Although my motivation is really low (and almost nobody but my family cares whether I finish my thesis or not), I'm going to try and finish my work this year:.

Were you ever alive?.
I wish I could see what you see.

Sólo tengo una sonrisa y espero una de vuelta:.

I don't have all the answers (nor I expect to ever have them!) for living in peace as a couple, but if there's anything I'm certain of, is that only you can make you happy, and that you can't expect your significant other to solve those insecurities that have (probably?) haunt you since the beginnings of time....

I'm a believer, in the sense that you can only truly share your thoughts with someone who isn't always on the lookout for life-changing experiences from external stimuli. In brief, (even if it sounds cruel) I'm not gonna try to fix you, but only because I think you're better than that (and if you're not, well...that's OK =)).

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I don't care about titles, descriptions or anything else; I only care about you (right now) and what I feel when I look in your eyes. I cannot promise I'll feel this way forever, but I'd like to ask you...does it even matter?:.

Yo confío en el destino y en la marejada,
yo no creo en la iglesia,
pero creo en tu mirada.

Computer love:.

If there's any question worth asking ourselves is: what's the meaning of life?, and I might also add: is what I'm doing now helping me get where I want?. Sadly, there's no way of knowing for sure =):.

I've been thinking about this because someone important to me casually asked about the things that make me happy, and, as usual, I answered that nothing but freedom will ever make me happy...and though that's true, I'd like to delve on this topic a little bit more.

I've previously experienced moments when I've transcended myself, I've also experienced pleasure with somebody else...heck, I've also experienced joy and happiness while killing some other guys!. But as someone wiser might say, only you can make you happy and to do that, you must learn to trust yourself!!:.

This might seem obvious to you, but the sad truth is that most of the people I know (and even myself) don't always live up to those goals. Maybe the advice shouldn't come from someone wiser, maybe we need to hear it from someone just as slob as us...Nobody exists on purpose, nobody belongs anywhere, everybody is gonna die. Come watch tv...

I don't know what to do,
I need a rendez-vous.

I think I saw what happens next:.

Of all the bad things with the academic world, waiting for a conference paper notification is definitely in my top three. Let me explain.

The basic idea is that you find a conference where you would like to publish your work, then follow their paper guidelines and submit according to their strict deadlines. After a couple of months you receive a notification telling you whether your work was accepted or not, and some comments from the reviewers. 

The problem is that conferences' chairs don't seem to have the same consideration for your time as they do for theirs. I think it's insulting that they can keep you waiting all day for a notification that never comes, and then two days later either tell you that their reviewers are swamped and that the notification will come at some point in the future, or that they simply forgot to click on the button that submits the notifications. Even worse, you may never receive a notification at all...

They have all the right to accept/reject your paper, but I think it's only fair if they tell you why they did it. You might expect this from shady events, but I've experienced it with A rank conferences, which makes you think if the academic community even takes itself seriously or not. 

Maybe it's like in that episode from The Office, where a sadistic candidate explains that he likes to keep people waiting for an answer, because of the slight hopefulness in their voice, the pregnant pause while they wait to hear the response...and then the response. 

I don't know, I just wanted to rant about this because I'm still waiting for a notification that was due yesterday...

And after this,
can it last another night?
After all the bad advice
had nothing at all to do with life.

And I wonder:.

Do you remember that great song from Jarabe de Palo where he says that there are two days in his life for which he was not born?. Well, today I'd like to argue that it is way better to focus on those days when you realize that life is worth living!.

For me, several of these days took place during my last stay in Mexico, when I had the chance to meet a real human being. We shared really good [and to be honest, not so good =)] times together, doing things we both love, such as travelling, listening to good music, watching the sunrise, getting lost, and so many little things that really need someone special to notice and care about...

To be honest, I can't remember the last time I felt so hopeful about life in general, and it feels so good!. I also feel more mature (though that's really not for me to say), compared to previous relations and degrees of connection with other people in my life. And you know what?, unlike other times, I'm not afraid or insecure, I just want to make things right, and share experiences with someone important in my life.

I know that just because someone likes the same crap you do doesn't mean she's your soulmate, but I also know that it is extremely rare to find someone compatible with you. I do not know what the future holds, but for the first time in a long time, I just feel the same way I tell people to feel when they ask me for advice, really calm =):.

Thanks for sharing your time with me, I'll try to make it worth your while!!:.

If everything could ever feel this real forever,
if anything could ever be this good again.